I’m a really good listener. It is one of the things I do best. Lately, I’ve been listening to the stories from family members and childhood friends. I’ve been looking for “something”, and I’ve finally found it. I know what I’m thankful for. . .
I’m thankful I am alive, and didn’t witness the death of my mom, sister or brother while I was growing up.
This piece of family history isn’t secret. It was shared with the neighborhood many times, as my father spun out-of-control. He yelled and screamed so loudly, that the neighbors heard him. They heard him yelling. We saw him putting his fist through the wall, and leaving a large hole. It never hurt him, and he never stopped. Hitting things, the pets or us was what he did with his rage (and he was sober).
My best-friend from childhood shared with me that her family heard his bouts of rage at their home. How much force does it take to project a voice from inside your home, across the street (50′ – 100′ +/-) away, and into your neighbor’s space? That was my father.
I realized yesterday from the stories told to me from my family and friends, that I am fortunate to be alive. I remember being afraid. I have dreams of his violence. I didn’t equate it to the possibility of dying until yesterday.
So, I’m thankful to be alive and have the friends/family that I do. I am sad that I didn’t understand the severity of the violence until now. I wish I could have protected my younger sister and brother, and helped my mom leave him.
My mom didn’t know anything but violence all of her life. I wish I could have helped her. . .
I do forgive my dad, though I will never forget, and I forgive myself for not being able to help. Life is too short to hang onto these pains, and the lesson is to acknowledge it, forgive, heal then move on to something better. . .
May we all find a life path that helps us heal ourselves, our families and our communities. May we find it in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us, and move on with our lives to a better way of living. . .
Love & Light to All. . .Karen