I remember family gatherings, and feeling like I was floating on the ceiling watching everything happening. It’s the place where I realized I could not partake in the dysfunction of the family, yet I needed to go to the family get-together. I was younger then, and didn’t realize that I was not honoring myself. It didn’t help me or them, by me attending. Sometimes, I think it would have been better for everyone, if I had not come to the gathering.
I know this sounds hard, but sometimes the truth is cold and unyielding. The bottom line is that we cannot change someone else, no matter how much we love them. They make their own choices – good or bad. I could not change my family, and I didn’t fit into the box they had crafted for me. I changed, they didn’t.
Along the path of healing, I found many old wounds. They festered, and oozed painfully into my life. They became my filters that I viewed the world through, though I worked on changing myself. Even now, I find I still have “buttons” that people can push, sending me on some insane roller coaster ride of emotions. I believe that it is a life-long process to heal one’s self.
I think the biggest pain caused by addiction is the self-inflicted damage, like not feeling worthy. One thing before I go, everyone has their own issues (no matter how perfect their life has been). So, none of us are alone on this path to changing ourselves and growing. I encourage all to find the courage to be themselves, and become the person they dream of being. . .
Love & Light to All. . .Karen