Often with addiction running through families, the individuals never find time to heal their relationships with each other. Often, we leave, and find our family in the friends we meet along our life path. It is true that we cannot change someone else, but wouldn’t it be nice if we could heal our relationship with our birth family?
I think this is a challenging subject, because there is so much history between people. We learn that speaking about the issues cannot be done. . .it’s against the family code of ethics. I was asked if I had learned that my family didn’t talk about family issues. I responded that I didn’t. . .at least I just remember being afraid to speak. Maybe, I was supposed to translate the fear into the thought that I was not supposed to talk about the issues. I don’t know.
What I can say is that I’m not speaking of my family’s issues in this blog. I’m speaking of my own issues. Unfortunately, those issues involve people who I grew up with, so I am trying to keep this entries from my perspective. I learned that I shouldn’t talk about other people’s issues and secrets. We all learn these rules in abusive or addictive families. Besides, they are adults, and can take care of themselves.
I still talk to my sister, an aunt, a couple of cousins and an uncle or two. I am grateful that we have different perspectives on the family. I cannot speak for them, but it does help me see my issues from a different perspective. I would hope that my words and actions would help them, as much as their’s help me. It is part of the healing process to explore the feelings and memories of the past, without getting sucked into the past.
I have a sister that I love very much, and am proud of. She has had the courage to stand up for herself, and grow into a person determined to become whole. We spoke today, and our conversation is the inspiration for the exploration of this subject. We parted today, both wanting to heal our relationship.
The healing starts with a conversation, and both parties wanting to become whole. Without that, there is nothing to work on except one’s self, and wait. We cannot change another person. Only they can change themselves.
More later. . .
Love & Light to All. . .Karen