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I woke up this morning with a to-do list. . .write an hour a day, organize my office space and stop avoiding the current “issue”.  I spoke with a counselor yesterday about my child.  He has been struggling with an abuse issue for a few years, that was initiated by an extended family member.  She asked me how I was emotionally dealing with the event.  I didn’t score very well.

I left almost in tears, and not knowing where to turn.  It brought back a lot of uncomfortable memories and feelings, that I have been slowly working through (very slowly).  Since I prefer to come from a positive perspective, it can be difficult to accept that people I love can do “things” that hurt others.

So, here I am.  I am looking into the face of the monster in the wagon that I pull behind me.  It isn’t as big as it was in 1989.  It has shrunk through the years with a lot of hard work on myself.  It is still black and menacing and unfeeling and scary and. . .

I woke up this morning with a to-do list. . .a list of what is the cause of my weight issues, the messy desk, the inability to organize anything in my life and where I need to focus my attention.  I’ve seen the issue, and have been struggling with “denial”. . .denial. . .hmm. . . .  I do avoidance very well.

I think what really bothers me is that I knew how abusive this individual could be.  I thought this individual had changed.  I saw it with my own eyes.  Now, I feel deeply disappointed in this individual.  I feel disappointed in myself for being deceived, and not seeing the truth.  I feel betrayed by another person’s actions.  It hurts!

I woke up with a to-do list this morning. . .the biggest item was to take care of myself and my immediate family. 

All we have is the present.  We do not own the past.  It belongs to the Creator.  I need to help my child understand this concept, and I need to practice it myself.  We all need to move forward. . .

Love & Light to All. . .Karen

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