I woke up this morning with a to-do list. . .write an hour a day, organize my office space and stop avoiding the current “issue”. I spoke with a counselor yesterday about my child. He has been struggling with an abuse issue for a few years, that was initiated by an extended family member. She asked me how I was emotionally dealing with the event. I didn’t score very well.
I left almost in tears, and not knowing where to turn. It brought back a lot of uncomfortable memories and feelings, that I have been slowly working through (very slowly). Since I prefer to come from a positive perspective, it can be difficult to accept that people I love can do “things” that hurt others.
So, here I am. I am looking into the face of the monster in the wagon that I pull behind me. It isn’t as big as it was in 1989. It has shrunk through the years with a lot of hard work on myself. It is still black and menacing and unfeeling and scary and. . .
I woke up this morning with a to-do list. . .a list of what is the cause of my weight issues, the messy desk, the inability to organize anything in my life and where I need to focus my attention. I’ve seen the issue, and have been struggling with “denial”. . .denial. . .hmm. . . . I do avoidance very well.
I think what really bothers me is that I knew how abusive this individual could be. I thought this individual had changed. I saw it with my own eyes. Now, I feel deeply disappointed in this individual. I feel disappointed in myself for being deceived, and not seeing the truth. I feel betrayed by another person’s actions. It hurts!
I woke up with a to-do list this morning. . .the biggest item was to take care of myself and my immediate family.
All we have is the present. We do not own the past. It belongs to the Creator. I need to help my child understand this concept, and I need to practice it myself. We all need to move forward. . .
Love & Light to All. . .Karen