The large “white” elephant is sitting in the middle of the living room, and the family is all pretending it isn’t there. The transparency of raw emotions is overlooked, as no one wants to bring up the subject that haunts everyone. What is it? It’s called Denial. It helps us survive traumatic events. Also, it is a pathway to obesity, mental/emotional issues and disease (di-ease).
My family has a “white” elephant (or secret). The biggest one happened before I was born, and it happened in one of my parent’s family. I had the opportunity to experience this individual’s rage my entire life, always thinking I had done something wrong. As a child, we do not differentiate between ourselves and our parents. If our parents are angry and yell at us, we follow the logic that we did something bad. Experience this enough times, we grow up believing that we are a “bad” person that isn’t worth anything. . .
In high school, I had to do a family tree. I needed to research all of my relatives. This is why I know about the family secret. My other parent helped me, but told me NEVER to mention a specific person or ask questions. I was told that I didn’t want to experience the outcome. I translated that as. . .I would be killed. That was scary!
One of my aunts talked to my partner about the family secret. I thought I could ask her a question or two. When I did, she refered me to someone else (who didn’t know the secret). I didn’t know what to do or say. I got scared! I asked a question about the family secret (and I’m an adult over 40).
I’d like to know about the person (that is the family secret), because I want to know about my own genetics. I want to be able to tell my son about any health issues that might arise from the family make-up. In my mind, it’s more important than keeping a secret that everyone seems to be afraid to talk about. . .
Ah, the weight gain/loss part of this entry. When we deny something, it is normal to compensate in some manner. In my family, we seem to have food or alcohol issues. Both of these contribute to obesity, major health issues and mental/emotional health problems. When we grow up with denial, we never learn our own value to the world. We tend to reach for food, alcohol or drugs to keep the illusion going.
We don’t care or cannot see the weight, as it accumulates on our body. When we do, it continues the cycle of low self-esteem and self-loathing. Every time we turn around, we come face-to-face with the unresolved issue, thus sending us to our comfort zone (food, alcohol or drugs). It becomes a downward spiral that doesn’t end until we say “what is the secret?” Then, we choose to stop denying the issue/event, and talk about it to others. We decide to heal from the mental/emotional trauma (pain), and get on with our lives.
For me, it manifests itself as weight issues. In my family of origin, my parents and siblings have all dealt with weight gain (obesity). The di-eases range from cancer to diabetes. How thrilling! Like not! Why are we allowing this issue or secret to cause such havoc in our lives? It could be that I’m the only one of my siblings who knows the secret. . .
So, what do I do? Do I keep playing this charade and partake in the illusion of denial? Or, do I address in my family, and possibly die? What you would you do?
Love & Light to All. . .Karen