It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog entry. I’ve been busy healing myself, meeting new people, and selling my artwork. It’s different being a working professional artist. . .in my case photographer. The biggest battle seems to come from myself, and all the previous messages gifted to me by others. Sometimes, it’s hard to see through the haze.
I think this the point were self-healing comes into play. The question becomes, how badly do you want to follow other’s ideas of your life, or do you follow your own path? I’m sure many of my peers have found their paths, and have very nice paying jobs or careers. I’ve wandered through life so far battling other’s ideas for my life, and what I truely want to do/be. At some point, you decide to change.
I decided to change several years ago. . .thirteen to be exact. I left my safe and comfortable corporate job, to pursue my life’s dream. . .to be a professional artist/photographer. I never realized how much impact the messages from my childhood would affect my ablilty to pursue this dream or choice. I thought I had let all that “stuff” go, but I found out otherwise. It haunted me in the background, quietly undermining everything I tried. Looking back on it, it looks like I was a person out-of-control, racing towards certain destruction. . .
Well, I did crash. It was a very ugly crash. It was a life changing crash. I’m still picking myself up from the crash. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix everything that broke during the crash. I do know that I will do the best that I can to repair all that got broken, and hopefully it will be better than before.
I did learn that the voices and opinions of the adults in my childhood were their experiences. In their day, things were different than in my time. They thought that they were helping me. I was afraid of them, so I thought they were all powerful. I did not realize until later that they did not have anything to do with my ability to make choices. I’ve come to realize that they did not understand the world from the context I do. They saw the world as limited. I see it as full of posibilities. We see life from the opposite ends of the spectrum of choices.
As for now, I do wish that they had been more supportive in my choices and decisions. Maybe, I would not have crashed so hard. . .maybe a fender-bender instead. So, what I have left is to heal myself, pick-up the usable pieces of my life and move forward.
What is self-healing? It’s the point where one becomes a real person. Where one accepts life as it is, and realizes that one can make changes for the better. It is the point where relaxation does not mean having a beer. . .it can mean other things like a walk, yoga or meditation. It means “not being afraid” to speak one’s mind to other people. It’s realizing that all people have a purpose, and that all are inter-connected. It means inner-peace, forgiveness and loving other’s without conditions.
I sit here and contemplate the words that I have written. I found this place last weekend, while we where in Oregon. I felt the flow of life flowing through me. I connected with the artistic side of myself, and had an incredible shoot that has garnered many comments from others (people I’ve never met). Finally, I felt inner-peace and calmness. Today, I can feel the energy running through my hands, like when I do Reiki sessions. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this complete.
I was working on my website earlier, and started looking at my recent photographs. There is more life, emotion and story to each one. The other’s are good, but lack the emotion and story. When we heal ourselves, we are able to give our wisdom to the world, and help other people. Each of us is more powerful than we see ourselves. Empowerment is part of self-healing. Recognizing ourselves, our passions, our desires, our needs is part of finding self and self-healing.
I plan on continuing on this path. I would encourage all of you who read this to become more whole, and share the your changes with others. It’s good to start with some little, like taking 5 minutes alone to think (or not think). It’s easy from there.
Until next time. . .may your life be filled with abundance and prosperity. . .